coLLecTioN oF…wOteVer

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do i know if i married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so i said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that its weighing on your mind.
Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with you spouse. You anticipated their calls, wanted their touches, and likes their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasnt hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didnt have to DO anything.
Thats why its called "falling" in love…

Because its happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet". Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and the something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. Its a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. Its the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touches are not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s indiosyncrasies instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initail stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did i marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire the experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sized. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. Im not saying that you couldnt fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; ITS LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spotaneious experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You cant "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. Thats why we have the expression, "the labour of love".
Because it takes time, effort and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are laws for relationship. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. Its a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… You can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"… Not just a feeling.

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Love is not something you feel. It’s something you do.
                                 -David Wilkerson-

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.                                                -Sam Keen-

Marriages are made in heaven. But, again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail.                                                                  -Unknown-

A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.                        -Dave Meurer-