coLLecTioN oF…wOteVer

Jimmy asks his father, "Dad, what is Politics?" His father thinks for a while and says, "Son, let me explain it this way. I earn the money, so im Capitalism. Your mother manages the money, so she’s called the Government. Your maid works for us so she’s the working class. You and your sister are the people, and your baby brother is the future." Jimmy says, "I still dont get it, Dad. I think I better go to bed."

That night, the baby brother started crying, Jimmy goes to inspect and finds out that his diapers are full of excreta. He looks for his dad but he’s barking the maid so vigorously that Jimmy’s knocks are unheard. He looks for his mother but she’s asleeep.

The next day, Jimmy says, "I know what politics is." The father says, "Go on son." Jimmy says, "While capitalism is screwing the working class, the Government is sound asleep, the people are compleately ignored and the future is full of shit."

Call a Doctor

It was a stiflingly hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It’s all right honey, I’ve had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man’s pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m already here."

TWO SPARROWS IN A HURRICAINE

by Tanya Tucker

She’s fifteen and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the keys to her heart
It’s just matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

There’s a baby crying and one more on the way
There’s a wolf at the door with a big stack of bills
They can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

She’s eighty-three and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the key to her heart
It’s just a matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

THE BOOK OF LOVE

(Shall We Dance-Soundtrack) by Peter Gabriel

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damm thing
It’s full of charts and facts some figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that’s where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendent
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It’s full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we’re all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings